Are you being mindful?
Depending on when you read this, you may be heading towards the tensions of Christmas or they might be behind you. If you reflected on how you are dealing with/dealt with the lead up to Christmas and the whole festive period, how mindful have you been over this time? Was it a really fun, relaxed and happy time or was there conflict and unhappiness? What caused you stress and why? Maybe you had money worries or your relationship with your kids, partner or family has been an issue.
By reflecting on how you are coping with or creating stress in your life, you can start to learn lessons about your behaviour and how it is affecting you and those around you. Are you an anxious, unconfident person or are you happy go lucky, taking life in your stride and easily tackling problems as they challenge you? Have you ever noticed how you are living in the past or in the future with anxiety, rather than living in the moment – the power of NOW.
Do you live life in the ‘doing’ mode or in the ‘being’ mode of life? Do you cram so much into your life you haven’t got time to breathe or having time for yourself? If yes, you are probably living life in the ‘doing’ mode. It is extremely tiring and unhealthy for you to live your life this way and have you ever thought about the impact on your kids of you being this way and how you may be programming poor behaviours in them.
Mindfulness
According to Mark Williams and Danny Penman, in their book ‘Mindfulness – a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world.’, there are seven characteristics of ‘doing’ and being’ modes of minds.
| Doing | Being |
| Automatic pilot | Conscious choice |
| Analysing | Sensing |
| Striving | Accepting |
| Seeing thoughts as solid and real | Treating thoughts as mental events |
| Avoidance | Approaching |
| Mental time travel | Remaining in the present moment |
| Depleting | Nourishing activities |
The key is to move yourself from being in the ‘doing’ mode to be in the ‘being’ mode at all times. You do have a choice, but you might not have realised this until now.
The more that you learn from how you react to life and make conscious choices, you can improve your life and become happier. You need to sense what is going on around you and within your body and trust your intuition as it is always right. You need to be accepting of what is going on and know that thoughts in your mind can just disappear as quickly as they arrived. By approaching anything with a positive expectation, you will receive a more positive result and this comes from living in the present moment, rather than the past or the future in your mind. By carrying out nourishing activities such as meditating, exercising, walking, listening to music, dancing or reading you will be feeding your soul, rather than depleting it by watching depressing news articles, getting angry with those around you, gossiping about colleagues and worrying about what might not happen to your kids.
The best gift for you to give to your children is to be positive at all times, listen to them and use empowering language to help them overcome potential confidence and chronic health issues. If you are not calm and relaxed as a person, then it is time to take action to change this. All behaviour is learnt and your children are copying you and other significant other adults such as teachers and grandparents. If you are anxious and worried around your kids, they will pick up on this and can then start worrying too. Stay positive with your thoughts. Children set their beliefs within the age of 0-8, and they understand much more than we give them credit. They often set up incorrect (limiting) beliefs as I did such as ‘I must worry about money’, ‘I’m not as clever as my sister’ and ‘I’m a failure.’ Anxiety is linked to depression, so it is key for you to change your behaviour.
The good news is that any behaviour can be changed and it is never too late. If your children are older than 8, you can still start re-programming their beliefs and extinguishing any worries they may have created. Your behaviour is created from your thoughts, so start changing your thoughts, which in turn will change your emotional state and you will gain different results. If you are calm, you will pass on good behaviours to all those people in your life and you will probably find that by being so positive and happy, you will gain a new set of friends and start to see life very differently.
If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness meditation, the next course starts on a Monday night for 8 weeks – 7-9pm at Wendy’s Tearoom, Sutton Valence, Maidstone. It costs £200 until Christmas day and then £25o thereafter. Book now
I also offer 1-1 mindfulness coaching sessions, if you prefer a 1-1 approach. More information about coaching and workshops to change your behaviour, can be found at www.insightfulminds.co.uk.
#mindfulnessmeditation #anxietyanddepression #ismybehaviouraffectingmykids #relaxationiskey
