Insightful Minds

Is it make or break for your relationship?

Is it make or break for your relationship?

Is it make or break for your relationship?

With all the time together over the festive season, often this time can highlight a number of issues within a relationship and sadly every year on the first working day back after Christmas, there is an increase of people googling divorce and people searching for help in ending their relationships.  In 2019, National Divorce Day is Monday 7th January.  Yikes.   One of the UK’s biggest relationship charity, Relate receive a peak in calls in January as issues in long term relationships and marriage often come to a head at this time and other research shows that many more people are looking at ending their relationships after a terrible time with their partner over Christmas.

Divorce is the second most traumatic life event you can go through after the loss of a loved one and it’s not to be undertaken likely.  You may feel that you have no other option but to divorce, but have you ever considered Relationship Coaching?

What is Relationship Coaching?

This is a form of coaching where you can either be coached alone or with your partner.  You will be asked to explore issues about your relationships.  These relationships may be close ones such as with a spouse or long term partner or other relationships such as parents, siblings, children or business partners.  If you aren’t getting the results you are hoping for in relationships, then relationship coaching will help you discover in a non-judgemental way of how to get different results with the current person you are struggling with.  There may be aspects of your behaviour/thinking which needs to change to get the result you are desiring.

Using Neuro Linguistic Programming, it is possible to elicit linguistically your relationship values and to see why your relationship is not working.  On you own or by comparing both parties relationship values, you can see what is missing in the relationship and how to repair it (or if it is worth repairing).  If you are trying to ‘mend’ a broken romantic relationship, you will be asked some questions about your ‘deep love strategy’ as this will uncover even more deeper reasons about why things aren’t currently working.

It’s not therapy or counselling, and life histories and issues which have occurred in the past will not be delved into, unless this is agreed that a mix of coaching and therapy is to be delivered.  Counselling skills however will be used such as listening and paraphrasing.

What sorts of things will be discussed?

  • What are the issues which are causing most conflict?
  • What love is for both of you and how you give love to one another?
  • What is stopping the relationship from moving forward?
  • Who else is getting in the way of this relationship working?
  • What romantic strategies are in place to keep the relationship alive? (Romantic relationships only!)
  • Sex life (not the nitty gritty, but does it happen, are there issues, etc?) (Romantic relationships only!)
  • If this was a perfect relationship, what is missing and how can it be reinstated or introduced?

Is Therapy part of Relationship Coaching 

You may find your partner resistant to getting external help for your relationship as ‘they don’t want therapy’, but with relationship coaching, it is a very logical process and whilst it might uncover some patterning which a person would benefit from, no party has to delve deep into issues from their past to unpick them.  It may be suggested though, if one or both parties would like it and it is felt that it will benefit them.

Who is Relationship Coaching not for?

Where there is abuse or obvious control issues, it is unlikely that this is the best route for you.  Abuse in any shape or form is not acceptable.  You may need counselling, Reiki or other therapy to help you build up your self worth and self esteem and to help you attract an even better partner into your life.  If you are unsure, then please raise this issue in your consultation.

Why should you have Relationship Coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy in any relationships, then this will cause you stress.  Stress is toxic to your body and will affect your life in a variety of ways.  The emotional pain being caused by arguments and unhappiness impacts your concentration, your sleep, being able to focus and you may suffer from additional frustrations such as not being able to speak up about what you need from the relationship.  You may also be experiencing more physical pain too. With an outside person who is a behaviour specialist, you can receive objective feedback about how you can change, so that you can make more rational decisions.

If you decide to go for divorce whilst in an angry or stressed state, you will make bad decisions and you may regret not trying to ‘fix’ your relationship.  It will also cost you more money as the divorce process will take longer as you are angry and emotional and you will find it harder to fill in the paperwork and the stress of dealing with your divorce through your solicitor.  The menopause (male and female) is a key time in life when individuals are having to face issues and if you haven’t looked after your relationship whilst having kids, etc, issues can fester and they need to be addressed. It doesn’t mean that a relationship has to end.

When should you have relationship coaching?

This can take place when you are deciding to be in a partnership e.g. a business partnership, or can take place at any time during a relationship – personal or business.  If you are having a problem with someone, then now is the time to have the coaching to help you resolve it without frustration and anger.  Stress and anxiety will play heavy on your body if you find someone is causing you a problem.   If you have already split from your partner, it is ok to still have coaching.  This will help you see why there are issues and if they are worth resolving so that you have no regrets.   Hopefully you will be able to fix things to move forward.

What is the success rate?

This is very individual.  The coaching is designed to help individuals to work towards saving their marriage, partnership or friendships.  Results have been very positive, especially if both parties are 100% committed to being able to move forward.  It may become apparent through the process though that both parties are on different journeys in their life going forward and they decide to split but in an amicable way.  There can be a variety of reasons e.g. one partner wanting to have children and the other not, one partner realising that they love their partner but are not ‘in love’ with them.  If only one party is having the coaching, the process will be slower too and therefore its always encouraged that both parties are involved in the coaching if possible.

What are the fees?

It is suggested that both partners buy a Profit package. This will allow both parties to work with me individually as well as having some sessions together.  The cost for each party is £300.

If it becomes clear that either one or both parties need in depth therapy, a three hour package called Vision is £450, and this includes an analysis of the client’s life history to see what issues may be causing a problem.  There is an additional 30 minute follow up call to give you additional advice a month on from us meeting.  There is also a meditation included for you to listen to, to help you relax and to be more empowered.  This is much cheaper than a divorce which is currently £550 just to put in the DIY paperwork, never mind the solicitor’s fees if you decide to go ahead if you have assets or kids to financially protect.

If you would like to have a complimentary consultation to see how I may be able to help you, email  or phone 07815 904848.

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