I was walking Charlie this morning and came across a lovely lady who I don’t know well but do know that she is a self employed image consultant who works out of my village. As we walked around the field, I built rapport by asking if she went networking as I thought I would invite her to a network that I host. Her response was ‘I don’t have time, I’ve got my kids to look after.’ In my head, I’m thinking the kids must be young, but as we chatted more, it was clear her children lived at home and were actually in their 20’s!! The lady then went on to explain that her kids worked but were very ‘comfortable’ at home and although she was ready for them to fly the nest, they were showing no signs of taking flight! She happily still chauffeured them around, cooked and cleaned for them and this left little spare time for her business.
The conversation continued and it was obvious that these children were never going to be readily asking to fly the nest. They paid no rent and the lady confessed that the kids still received an allowance even though they were working. She said her son was ‘saving’ but she feared this was for a car, not so that he was able to move out. It appeared that the lady had very different views about money to her husband and this was becoming more of a problem as her husband felt that they should fund the kids when they needed money and she felt differently. It was clearly becoming a source of disagreement between her and her husband which was another issue affecting her business and it’s success. Emotional issues at home can quickly affect your business and it is important to nip them in the bud when you can. Happily, the lady in question understood what I was saying and she went home to have a ‘discussion’ with her husband about how they needed to change starting from now!
Are you sabotaging your happiness for the sake of your kids?
Having worked with numerous business owner clients who are still being affected by grow up kids, it is important to point out that everyone has a choice – including Mums and Dads. If you are sabotaging your happiness, to fund your kids and to fund their lifestyle, my question is why? Remember that your children need to feel empowered to be able to take self responsibility to take control of their own lives and to know that they can earn money too. If you are always rescuing your kids and bailing them out financially, then guess what, they will start to learn that if they get in trouble, they will be rescued financially and they will not make the empowered decision of getting financially sorted. It is empowering in itself to get out of trouble and to learn lessons about how to handle money. Empowering your kids financially now will enable you to see the bigger picture of when you are gone. Ask yourself, will they have the right financial strategies in place to cope? Being given money all the time or being ‘rescued’ by the bank of Mum and Dad psychologically stops them from taking action and knowing that they can earn whatever money they want to earn. If they aren’t paying for standard bills at home such as rent, water, council tax, etc, then how will they plan for the future when you are not around. Even if they inherited your worldly possessions, there are still running costs which your children would be ill equipped to deal with as they have never done it. They will be grief stricken and trying to learn new financial skills which is so hard to do when you are feeling down and unmotivated. It is exactly the same experience if you are suddenly widowed and you suddenly have to sort out the finances as well as probate.
If you are finding it hard to let go of the apron strings or are ‘feeding money’ to your kids on a regular basis and you can’t have the ‘difficult’ or ‘hard’ conversations with them about changing the status quo, then you might like to consider how much energy is wasted by this emotional issue. The disagreements between joint finances and financing the kids at home are very common source of relationship breakdown due to differences in how communicate with one another and it will affect your business as you will lose focus and concentration. Nip it in the bud now, change your behaviour and you will be happier in the future. Talk openly to your children about money and how to look after it. If you don’t openly get involved in joint finances in your relationship, then start taking more interest. The more you focus on your finances and having them in order, the more likely you will be able to save and invest in future. You will also be a great role model for your children. Your business will be able to grow and your will inspire your children. Change your behaviour and how you react to money now!
If you need more help with understanding how to interact with the emotions surrounding money and your self worth, then give me a call on 07815 904848 or email me at liz@insightfulminds.co.uk. Avoid being one of my clients who can’t retire as their children have ‘used’ all their money before they managed to retire. Put your happiness first and everyone will be so much happier! Start changing your behaviour around money and your self worth now.
#finances #moneymanagement #empoweryourkids #retirewithmoney
“Very insightful” I believe that a progressive financial awareness at a young age is a good thing. As you can equip your children with tools to survive in life. I am saddened by peoples expectations of what they can have against what they can afford as I feel that becoming adult, means to become independent. It’s interesting that the word Independent means, Free from the control of others. Separate, financially self-reliant. Capable of acting for oneself or on one’s own.